Monday, October 10, 2011

To be perfectly honest... (Tues 10/4)

Overwhelmed tonight. 
We got to Zambia this afternoon and by the time we got to Remmy’s house, I was super exhausted. Despite my cushy hotel bed and lovely linens last night, I don’t think I ever fell into a deep sleep. When I woke up I had an inkling of a wicked headache to come, and sure enough, when I stood up, my head was throbbing. I slept as late as I could (810am), after which I needed to get up, get ready, repack, and go get breakfast. By 9, I had had an espresso and taken a few ibuprofen which eventually knocked the headache out of me but I just had an off feeling all day long. Being tired really does turn me into someone else and flying generally doesn’t make me feel so hot either. 
After stopping at Remmy’s for awhile, we went out again, to visit TICA (the theological college here in Ndola) and get a tour. I should’ve stayed in the house and taken a nap, but I wanted to see the place and figured I’m here for a reason (and moreover I didn’t feel like “wow, I know these people I met ten minutes ago well enough to come to their house and collapse”) so I went. I was yawning the whole time. Then we came back and there was a meeting w/ the board at 6, during which time I was trying to get online to find Bonnie’s phone number, which I stupidly hadn’t written down sooner. After the internet not working and finding that my dad (thanks, texting from Africa) couldn’t get ahold of Bonnie’s mom to get B’s number that way, I gave up for the evening and sat in on the board meeting (again, should’ve gone for the rest). I had a hard time focusing, tho, and felt like I was going to fall asleep on the couch in between a member of the board and Ellen - oy! 
Finally, Ryan said, “why don’t you try again” so I got online and the internet worked long enough for me to get her number. Which we tried to call, but the woman on the other end said it was the wrong number. So then Remmy tried again to dial her number, and this time no service. After a third time (and this is after double  and triple checking her number on my fb and Remmy’s), we finally dialed the right number! ...No answer :>P 
Awhile later, Bonnie called and we talked for a few minutes and I found out she’s not going to Lusaka this weekend, tho she does have a friend coming up from Lusaka now and has multiple meetings/projects to attend to. I said that was fine with me as long as she didn’t mind me tagging along and we’ve decided that I’ll come to her apt on friday morning and go with her to school. (She teaches in the afternoon.) The FVI team heads out for a retreat that day at noon and comes back on Sunday (we fly out on Monday and I get back to Bulawayo on Tues). 
I think what’s hitting me right now is mostly the loneliness of no quality time with anyone close to me for weeks while I’m extremely far away and largely cut off, no words of affirmation, forget about physical touch - DK and I were discussing the 5 love languages earlier and I just re-read that book last week and then gave the copy to James, who GG had sent it for, so it’s all on the brain. Anyway. It’s actually pretty exhausting to be traveling on a team with 3 people who all know at least one (or two) of the other people really well, and then there’s me, and it was okay before because we were traveling to a lot of places I knew and always staying with people I knew, but now I’m totally off my turf and unsure of myself and feeling useless and alone. Yippee, right? :>P 
I’m sure it’s largely a matter of needing a really solid night’s sleep, so I’m praying I can get that tonight. I really want to absorb whatever I can this week and learn what I’m supposed to learn, because I went thru a lot to come on this leg of the trip and a heck of a lot of money was spent on the ticket and all thru this evening, I’ve just been thinking, “Why am I here right now?” 
I really hope I figure it out. I'm pretty sure I will.
From Zambia,
-the extra wheel

No comments:

Post a Comment